Soroptimist's Honored Natalia with the Ruby Award
The Ruby Award Recognition
I was honored this winter to accept the Ruby Award from the Soroptimists of Jackson Hole. Thank you to Jen Simon who wrote this speech to recognize me and for everyone who has volunteered with me over the years in the community.
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There are a thousand reasons to be inspired by tonight’s keynote speaker—who is also your very deserving Ruby Award Winner!—and I want to give you just a few of them.
1. There are clearly more hours in her day.
I joke (and am jealous) because the truth is: Natalia is supremely talented. So much so that she can actually get things done in a fraction of the time that it takes some of the rest of us. At this point, I am pretty sure that she can make 30-minute brownies in 20 minutes.
2. She won’t actually tell you about all the accolades that she’s received.
Here’s a recent one. She was talking modestly about a “thing that I’m newly involved with.” That “thing”, as it turned out, was her selection as one of only a dozen elected officials nationwide who were named Fellows with the New Deal Progressives. A national honor. And a rare one at that.
Or, you might know that Natalia is the chair of our County Commissioners. But you might not know—because she might not tell you—that she’s also the statewide chair of the Wyoming County Commissioners Association Committee on Health and Social Services. She is responsible for the WCCA’s work on early childhood education and health-in-all policies. She also might not mention that she was the first woman in Wyoming ever honored as the Wyoming County Commissioner of the Year.
3. She’s equally unlikely to tell you about all the barriers she’s breaking down—or has already broken down—for the rest of us.
She’s a mom of two young sons, Al and Woody (One of them is my godson! Shout out for Woody!) And she has been spotted breastfeeding at the same time as she was chairing a County Commission Meeting. The first woman to do that. (And men talk about trying to walk and chew gum.)
She’s made it clear that being a parent and doing public service are completely compatible. A good reminder that actions speak louder than words.
And, did you know? There are changing tables in both the women’s rooms and the men’s rooms of local government buildings because she raised awareness and attention—and then made it happen.
But what I also want you to know is that she shares her talents widely and generously. She’s training the next generation of our community’s artists. She taught me how to be a better public speaker—and that emotion, as she put it “is not conveyed through the hands.” She’s a driving force behind making childcare more accessible and period products free for all women and girls in our community. She’s willing to speak up and speak out and say the hard thing. Always, everywhere, and at all times.
I’m proud to call her my friend—and we’re all fortunate to have her as an elected official. Natalia D. Macker.
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I opened my speech with this poem, from the Indian-born Canadian poet Rupi Kaur:
i want to apologize to all the women
i have called pretty
before i’ve called them intelligent or brave
i am sorry i made it sound as though
something as simple as what you’re born with
is the most you have to be proud of
when your spirit has crushed mountains
from now on i will say things like, you are resilient
or you are extraordinary.
not because i don’t think you’re pretty.
but because you are so much more than that- Rupi Kaur
This poem touched a nerve for me recently that I didn’t realize had been festering.
“See, she’s more than just a pretty face”
“Who is going to take care of your kids?”
“You really should smile more in meetings”
“Don’t chastise me” “Why are you shouting?”
“You may just be the best-looking commissioner too”
“I would vote for a ‘Qualified’ woman – but I don’t want to vote for you just because she’s a woman”
These are all things that have been said to me since I entered public service. And I’d guess that these are softballs compared to what I know has been said to other women I’ve had the privilege of coming to know. I know you have your own stories.
I decided to run for office because I didn’t think the people who were making decisions that impacted my life represented my lived experiences – which is to say I saw a legislator literally sleeping at his desk in the Capitol with his feet propped up. Which is also to say I felt that way and I’m an educated, upper middle class white lady. What about everyone else?
I used to make jokes to my husband about how I needed to learn to drink brown liquor and play golf because I was certain that the moment would come when I need to do one or both of those things “with the men” and I didn’t want to embarrass myself. I equated (political?) power with being a man. I equated women’s power with being pleasing.
And yes,
- I’ve been known to strike the occasional power pose (which is also just known as taking up space).
- To dress in clothes that were professional (aka women’s clothes that look like men’s).
- To work to control my voice (aka not be too loud or too soft, not too high pitched, and certainly not too emotional). Still working on this.
- To say something in a suggestive sense to see if someone else could pick up the idea, rather than speaking my own truth.
About 18 months ago, all my experiences from my first few years in office came to an upexpected head. In September of 2018, the Wyoming gubernatorial candidates were given the opportunity to speak at a conference of county officials from across this state. This included commissioners but also clerks, treasurers, assessors, clerks of court, attorneys, coroners and sheriffs. All the electeds at the county level. Collectively there were probably 200 or so people in the room, and I’d say about half were women.
Now, a week before, the gender wage gap study from the department of workforce services had been released. It revealed in detail what we all know to be true – there’s a wage gap in Wyoming. And, it’s pretty bad. Once the candidates got through their panel, they opened it up to questions from the room. A few questions were asked – all by men – when I decided to raise my hand, not totally sure yet what I was going to ask but compelled that a woman should ask a question. Mary Throne, a former legislator who was running for governor, saw me and asked if we could take one more. I introduced myself and asked if they could comment on their plans – if elected – to address the wage gap in Wyoming given the release of the report.
The first candidate to speak was Rex Rammell. And he wasted no time getting to his point that he has daughters, and that if women want to be paid the same as men, they just needed to work harder.
And there it was.
Someone had said out loud directly to me what I had been feeling – maybe for my whole life but at least for the past few years – but somehow had not been able to truly understand. There were some audible gasps in the room, probably including from me. And the rest of the candidates had to respond, including a wonderful response from Mary Throne who was sitting next to Rex and commented that he was lucky her water glass was empty or she’d have tossed it on him. At that point then candidate, now Governor Mark Gordon offered Mary his glass of water. I went from that session back to my hotel room – where my mom was with my 9 month old son, yes I brought my baby and my mother to my work conference because that is what women do to get the work done!
I told my mom what happened bemoaning the fact that I knew women were working hard – both in the workplace and in all the unpaid work women do – and it still just wasn’t enough. She shared a story with me from her early career. She was an electrical engineer in the 60s and 70s and was often the only woman in the class and in the technical field. One of her early bosses who had been very supportive of her had given her a poster that said “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
I realized that I had dedicated my time trying to cultivate my way into the “man’s” world. Believing that I could use my position to show everyone how hard women were working and then that those in power would understand and then they would make decisions that would change things for women, especially economically.
I did believe that it would be enough if I could just sit in the room, at the table, often the only woman, and make decisions with the men and prove everyone’s assumptions wrong on behalf of all women everywhere. And hey, I even did it sometimes while breastfeeding, definitely in heels, and always with a smile because women just need to work harder? And we can in fact do it all and aren’t afraid to prove it!
But in that moment in 2018, the truth had just smacked me in the face.
In her 2018 book, Good And Mad, Rebecca Traister writes:
As America approaches its two hundred and fiftieth year since revolution was declared, still just one hundred and fifty years since abolition, a century since some women won the right to vote, and fifty years since African Americans in the Jim Crow South were fully enfranchised – all events that occurred in the wake of uprisings of Americans furious at the injustices they faced – women in America are coalescing in anger again. It is messy; it is riven by division – racial and generational and political. It is not civil, it is often profane; calls for civility are designed to protect the powerful by casting them as victims. It is a mass fury: occasionally so frenzied that it makes people nervous. Were it any other way, nothing would ever change.
This is the revolutionary mission, what the idealized vision of what this country might be was born of: the righteous fury of the unrepresented.
I was furious that lovely September day in Cheyenne because here’s what we know about the status of women in the Equality State:
- 17 out of 93 commissioners are women
- 14 out of 90 legislators are women
- We haven’t had a female governor since the first in the nation 100 years ago
- 7 out of 10 minimum wage jobs are held by women
- There is not one county in the state where a minimum wage worker can afford housing
- In Wyoming, you can still be fired for talking about your wages with a coworker.
- In Wyoming, women face workplace discrimination and harassment on a daily basis.
- Nearly 18 percent of women who gave birth here in 2017 had a total household income of $16,000 or less
- About 19 percent of women who gave birth in Wyoming in 2017 said they faced a cut in hours or pay at work while pregnant
- Women in Wyoming do not get equal pay for equal work.
Until women attain greater economic power, we cannot attain greater political power. And until women attain greater political power, we cannot achieve economic self-sufficiency. They are too inextricably linked. Moreover, we can’t do this individually – our individual successes are remarkable but they won’t move the needle. The individual woman can get there, but women cannot without intentionality.
So here’s what we’re doing about it:
1. First – we’re Showing up everywhere and Talking about it: Moving the Overton Window
Named for James Overton the Overton Window refers to the range of policies considered allowable by the average person. Basically, it is the window of acceptable discourse.
We have to talk about the status of women in Wyoming. And talk about it and talk about it and talk about it some more. We probably also have to study it, but we need to keep talking about it. Pointing it out matters.
Since that moment in 2018 with Rex, I’ve been talking about it ad nauseum with commissioners around the state. And I think it works. There have been three appointments to fill vacancies on county commissions in the last year. All seats vacated by men, all seats filled by women through an appointment process, by men. It’s progress – one seat at a time.
You also know about the Gender Lens Project led by Jen Simon that is a partnership between the Equality State Policy Center and the Wyoming Women’s Action Network. This project is designed change our policy conversations and improve state-level decision making by emphasizing the contributions of women in the state’s economy and in local communities.
Picture this – Jen Simon, in her car, all over the state, talking about the wage gap to rooms full of men.
Jen Simon, in the Capitol lobby – in her heels – talking to legislators about why Medicaid Expansion is good for women.
Jen Simon – analyzing policy specifically for what it will or won’t do for women. Jen Simon – late at night when all of us are sleeping, informing women all over the state about what just happened in the room of mostly men, and who they need to call.
And women, everywhere, answering that call.
2. Second – we have to Be intentional: Legislate it and Budget it (or at least try to)
This means wage gap bills and policies.
This means bills to raise the pay for legislators to make it more accessible for women to serve.
It means budget amendments to cover childcare for legislators.
It means statewide grant funds to develop early childhood education.
It means a bill to repeal the tax on menstrual products.
It means fighting for protections for pregnant workers so women don’t have to choose between a healthy pregnancy and paying their bills.
It means making sure indigenous women aren’t left behind.
Some get through, some don’t, but we’ll keep doing it.
Locally, this means getting it into the budget for period products to be available for free in public bathrooms.
It means studying our childcare landscape and working together as a community to build an action plan and support our working families.
It also means paid family leave.
Sometimes it just means diaper changing tables in the bathrooms in the building where you vote.
It means community members – like each of you in the room tonight – seeing a problem and taking direct action to solve it.
3. And finally – we must use our righteous fury to literally get ourselves represented
Earlier this year women on both sides of the aisle from across the state said enough, and we started a nonpartisan PAC – the Cowgirl Run Fund - to support women running for local and state office in Wyoming. We know that women’s networks don’t have the same net worth as men’s. We know that people write checks for half the amount to woman candidate than they do for a man. We know that women have to work harder – in this case literally nearly twice as hard – as men to meet their targets and get elected. We know that women face questions that have nothing to do with her ability to perform as an elected official. We know that people wonder if they can vote for a candidate IN SPITE of her being a woman. We believe that you should vote for her BECAUSE she is a woman and her lived experiences need to be in the room and at the table.
I have another Rupi Kaur poem – to address an issue that we know comes up for women, because women are so often the harshest critics of other women:
“what terrifies
me most is
how we foam
at the mouth
with envy
when others
succeed
but
sigh in relief
when they
are failing
our struggle
to celebrate
each other
is what’s proven
most difficult in
being human”
I have learned from you that Soroptimist means “best for women.” I can think of no other group of women better positioned to remind all of us of the power of celebrating each other. That celebration can truly be the start of education which can lead to activation which ultimately leads to change. Thank you Soroptimists for celebrating women.
As the rest of the nation joins Wyoming this year in celebrating anniversaries of women’s suffrage, I invite you to celebrate the revolution. As you celebrate women’s history month, join me in declaring that 100 more years is too long to wait for equality. For our revolution, we don’t need to infiltrate the spheres of power of yesterday, we must embrace and build our own spheres of power just like our foremothers.
I’ve given up on brown liquor and golf. I’ve embraced mani-pedis, and long phone calls, and drives across the state, and dinners with women. I’ve gone from trying to be the only woman in a room of men, to seeking out the rooms filled with women.
Let your revolutionary mission begin with the celebration of tonight. Each and every one of you are a vital part of the fabric of our community. You each have a voice and a role to play. And you can lend your voice, experiences and your talent to the work of the Soroptimists, the Wyoming Women’s Action Network, the Cowgirl Run Fund, the Period Project, Courage to Run, the Gender Lens Project, the Community Safety Network, and so many others.
Also, I think you should run for office.